Dear Dad,

Thanks for making it so easy to hack your blog. It helps that you use the same password for everything, and that Mommy is a good co-conspirator.

I figured that, since you clearly aren’t using your blog, I would borrow it to air a few of my own grievances. Don’t worry—they’re not all about you.

In no particular order, here goes:

What was up with that swaddle blanket? I am SO happy that you and Mommy have finally given up on trying to swaddle me. How many weeks have I been breaking out of it as soon as you put me in my crib? And you should just come to terms with the fact that I’ll be sleeping on my stomach no matter what you would like me to do.

I’m tired of people trying to burp me. And feed me with a spoon. Just pour the food (formula, cereal, fruit, vegetable, whatever) into my mouth. No breaks—keep it coming. I am a hungry girl, and I need my food.

I don’t want to wear socks. I don’t know why people insist on putting socks on my feet, and those knee socks you made me wear were just ridiculous. Please accept the fact that I will rub my feet together until I have blisters. I am trying to make fire, and I have very little to work with.

I’m tired of being inside! Take me out on the weekends. If the weather isn’t nice enough to go to the park, I’ll settle for the mall. Sometimes there are boys in front of us in the line at Barnes & Noble. I do, however, prefer when you put me in the harness and we walk around outside.

I don’t want to see any more unflattering pictures of me. Sure, you take plenty of pictures of me smiling…but there are also pictures of my face while I’m crying…or going to the bathroom (I get it. I make a funny face. But would you like people taking pictures of you while you go to the bathroom? I think not.) Keep it up, and see what happens.

All those things being said, I have to admit that you and Mommy are doing an OK job, and you’re a pretty cool dad. You do funny voices for me, you let me wipe my nose on your shirt, and seeing your reaction when you have to change one of my dirty diapers makes me laugh. Thanks for all you do for me.

Happy Father’s Day, Daddy!