I refuse to get into another argument about whether or not “hamwhales” exist. We all know they do. For the uninformed, for the uninitiated, here is complete primer about all things hamwhale…

50 28 Hamwhale Facts:

1. Hamwhales are ferromagnetic.
2. The hamwhale is the state bird of Oregon.
3. Hamwhales are regarded as sacred in Papua New Guinea.
4. In Thailand, hamwhale flesh is used as currency. The conversion rate is roughly 1 pound of hamwhale = 20 elbow macaroni.
5. Only 3 humans have ever witnessed hamwhales breeding in the wild. David Faustino is 2 of them.
6. A group of hamwhales is known as a “calamity”.
7. If you have two hamwhales, then you’ve got yourself a party.
8. The Statue of Liberty is said to have a calamity of hamwhales under her dress.
9. Marilyn Monroe had a pet hamwhale named “Ernest Borgnine” when she was a child.
10. The movie “50 First Dates” is based on a loose retelling of The Hamwhale Legend.
11. “Hamwhale” can be used as a verb (much like “smurf”). But not by you. And only on the first day of a new moon.
12. “Twilight” is just awful.
13. Hamwhale marrow cures colds, but is deadly poisonous.
14. The word “nefarious” is pronounced “hamwhale”.
15. A hamwhale can eat its own weight in Cheetos every half hour.
16. Here is a picture of a hamwhale in the wild.
17. During the Roaring 20s, the “hamwhale” was the name of a dance step more popular than the Charleston.
18. Chuck Norris has a picture of a hamwhale tattooed inside his ear canal.
19. The hamwhale is the only natural predator for both grizzly bears and great white sharks.
20. I once won a hamwhale in a game of poker on a riverboat.
21. The internet is powered primarily by hamwhales on treadmills.
22. Native Americans only used 83% of the hamwhale.
23. Mt. Rushmore was intended to be a depiction of two reclining hamwhales.
24. My hamwhale can beat up your hamwhale.
25. The metric system is a base-hamwhale system.
26. Hamwhales have 2 arms, 3 legs and something known as a “whoopdoozer”.
27. Many people believe that hamwhales are visitors from another planet. They are wrong.
28. Ramen noodles are made from hamwhale sinew.

Please feel free to add your favorite hamwhale-related facts in the comments.