As a people, we are boring. We have nothing much of interest to say to one another. How do I know? Because I have had the same conversation easily 100 times in the last 6 months (without noticeable variation).

My wife is pregnant. This means that just about every conversation I have lately consists of the following:

You: Exciting news!

Me: Yes. We’re very excited.

You: Do you know what you’re having.

Me: A baby, I think. No. I’m kidding. It’s a girl.

You: She’ll have you wrapped around her finger.

Me: That’s what I’m told.

You: When is the due date?

Me: December 26th.

You: Ooooo! A Christmas baby. My [insert relative] was born in December. Make sure you keep her birthday separate.

Me: Yes. We will.

You: Enjoy it while you can. They grow up so fast.

Me: Yes. We will.

You: How is Jen feeling?

Me: Like there’s a tiny goblin inside of her trying to claw its way out.

I’m thinking of printing out cards with an FAQ on it, so I can skip this. Don’t get me wrong. I am happy that everyone is so supportive. It’s great. I just don’t think I can have this conversation again.

I just loath “canned” conversation – those conversations that we are apparently hard-wired to have in specific situations. We all do it. Just think how many times you’ve had to  discuss the weather in an elevator. Oh, is it hot in July? Cold in December? No shit.

Please, let’s all make a concerted effort to either think of something substantial to say or just shut the fuck up. Deal?